Prickly People

"Prickly people." This is a term my friend uses to describe people who rub you the wrong way. God answered my prayer this week. I asked God to use me. I want to pour out my life as a living sacrifice to be used by him. This week he tried to use me and I failed miserably. God put someone in my life this week to show love to, but this person gets on my nerves. So for the last several days I've lived in bondage by choosing to be selfish and drawing boundary lines. This is MY SPACE, MY HOME, MY TIME!!! After voicing my problems to a girlfriend this morning, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me. God tried to use me to show love and I can do nothing but complain. God, please forgive me! It's easy to love our friends (that we choose), but God needs us to love the un-lovely, the un-loving. He needs us to go into the world, into the depths and shine HIS light. Fill me, Lord with your love that does not fail. My flesh fails. I need your life in me to flow out of me. His love softens the touch of the prickly people. His love never fails.

Waiting

Seems I'm always waiting on something. It just comes in cycles. Waiting on God to do this or that, to see just what he has in store. For months I've been waiting in a career situation. Now that it has been resolved and I've seen God work all the way through it, I'm waiting on something else. This time it's a family situation. Family is not perfect--we know none of us are. Sometimes the waiting is fearful. Sometimes it is painful. Sometimes it is exciting. Right now, it's painful. It hurts my heart. But in the turmoil I look up to God and know that I must honor him by praising his name and abiding in his joy. He has a plan and I'm just a very small part of it. There's a much bigger picture. I know that he has to work his purpose in each of us and in our families.
I was talking to a friend of mine today, and that's where she is--waiting. Her husband has this plan and dream of a business for them. She's fearful. But, by honoring God by following her husband, God's plan will surface. Following and waiting is fearful. It's like stepping off a cliff and free falling--because we're not in control--God is. Isn't that where we want to be? In HIS plan. Here's to the free fall and the liberation it brings. I trust YOU God. Not my thoughts, fears, or reservations, but what YOU have in store!

Listen to the song "While I'm Waiting" on John Waller's website--powerful!

http://www.myspace.com/johnwaller

LIVE IN IT!

AH HA!! That's the moment I had this morning. Amazing when that happens. I've been in a valley and kept questioning...WHY????? And, today, God finally showed me. All of this time I've been trying to figure it all out. What great sin is in my life? What am I not doing right? Why am I here, at this place God? It wasn't anything I had done, but a work he was doing IN me.

Isn't that just like we humans? Trying to figure it all out--what have WE done? It's all about us, right? NO NO NO! God speaks loudly, but we are too busy listening to the lies of how incapable and ill equipped we are and how we are destined for failure. These are the lies, the whispers in our ear that we yield to, when God has SO MANY GREATER THINGS FOR US!!!!

God speaks in many ways, and to me it is in music so many times. A friend and I were talking a whiile ago about this valley I was in and she quoted some words to a song:

"...(His) Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy..."

That's where I was, feeling like I was about to break, and then--it happened. Just like a sunrise peeking over the hillside was the light I was looking for. And today, here I sit, basking in the joy and love that only God can give.

As I drove to work this morning, I was listening to this song (the same one my friend quoted from above). God began to show me. He opened my eyes. It's not all about you or where you are or what you've done, it's only about HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU and how I want you to KNOW that--REALLY KNOW THAT!!! Here you have been knowing that I love you, but not living in it. And, oh my gosh, when his love rushed over me it was so OVERWHELMING!!!! He loves us that much...more than we could ever imagine.

Don't just know it--live in it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps He Loves Us, Kim Walker

Attack

My blog is titled "WARRIOR" but the truth is lately, I've been running for cover. OK, it's taken me a while, but now I realize--I've been under attack. Yes, every day we're under attack. Satan sees us in our commitment and progression toward God and wants to do everything he can to undermine what God is trying to do through us. When all of me is emptied out and willing to be used by God, Satan starts working overtime. I've realized recently that things have been bad, but didn't realize just how this all began snowballing until talking with a friend this morning. I look at all the things happening in my life in the last few months and it all started when I set myself aside and prayed and fasted for someone I love. Then everything snowballed. It never happens overnight, but little by little. It started with stress at work, then progressed to missing fellowship at church by being out of town for several weekends. Then I started having health issues, which has progressed to dissention in my marriage due to all of the above. The list goes on and on. I felt like I was on a downward spiral. But today, God spoke to me through a friend who gave me insight and clarifiation. I feel freedom again...and it's sweet.

Where?

Where is God in the midst of everything going on? Financial markets are failing, people are losing their jobs, friends are sick, etc, etc, etc. It's been a while since I've blogged. Fact is, I've been preoccupied. Why? My life revolves around everything negative going on in the world right now. I see it every day. I deal with it every day. I don't want to watch the news. I'm tired. Wounded. This is exactly where Satan would like for me to be, but the truth is Satan is the accuser. And Jesus is my defender. Because of HIS sacrifice, God can look upon me as a clean vessel ready to be used. And that's all I have to be--ready and willing. Truth is, I've not been very willing lately. I've just been trying to survive, and that's not where God wants us to be. There is so much more than just survival mode. All of this JUNK has gotten me sidetracked and now I'm on my way back on the narrow way. I had a college professor explain our walk with God like this. Draw a straight line and then draw a wavy line right on top of it. When we first start following God, the curvy line swings back and forth in a big way off track, and then as we progress in our walk, the times off track don't get quite so far away. Where is God? He is sovereign and right where he's always been. I'm the one who has been away, panicked and worried--nowhere near to where his plan for me is. God is God and I am not. His ways are much, much bigger than my ways. God is my rock and my savior and he's in my heart. That's where he is.

Solitude

I find myself alone this weekend. This is not normal. Not much of my adult life has been spent alone. The only alone time I usually have is on my drive to work. But now I have three whole days alone--all alone. Well, not really; God is there. I know God has set this time aside for me to be with him. I have sensed it since the first of the week. In the spring, my husband takes a backpack trip and in the fall he and my boys go hunting. The hunting trip is an annual thing, but this year for me, its different.
I feel God's holy spirit calling to my heart...calling me to a time of solitude, prayer and fasting. There's something that's a new in my life--fasting. I've only done this once before during the backpack trip last spring. I will diligently seek what the Lord wants to reveal to me. I diligently seek an answer to my persistent prayer. Lord, empty me so that I can be filled with you. I stand in the gap and believe. I thank you for your answer.

Prayer

How much prayer is too much? Obviously, it is never too much. But do you ever get tired of praying? Well, not really tired of praying, but exhausted from praying about one thing for so long? The bible says “pray without ceasing.” I seem to be better at this. It’s like having a conversation with God throughout the day. Having a counselor available to me 24/7 at no cost is a great perk of having Jesus for a best friend! But, my heart has been heavy about praying for something for years.
I read someone else’s point of view on prayer using bowls as an illustration. Imagine that each unanswered prayer has its own “prayer bowl” up in heaven. When enough prayers had been said, the bowl is filled and the prayer is answered. Having a cold and praying for healing, well, that would be a pretty small prayer bowl. But, think about world peace, or in my case, a loved one’s salvation, well, that would be a much bigger bowl.
I’ve been trying to fill this bowl for the better part of ten years now. I can look back and see that my prayer life has grown much stronger and much more versatile. Trial and error have been my companions, using God’s word as my guide. But today, I’m at the point where I’m exhausted. I wonder if it will ever happen, but it seems like each time I get to this point, God shows me something new.
On two different occasions, both in the last year, I have had two distinct visions about my loved one’s journey. When I say visions, I don’t mean dreams, but while I was awake and either in meditation or deep thought about this, that’s when it was revealed to me. Its instances like this that keep me pressing forward.
God is my father and I am his child. I know he’s teaching me something through this, and it usually involves changing ME! Funny how that works. Today I pray for the self-centeredness to be removed so that God’s love can flow through me, because that’s how God will be revealed. I know God hears my prayers…he’s just not done with ME yet.